In my work, I see mostly three vital areas in relationships that make the most difference: Emotional Intelligence, The Golden Rule and Habits.
- Emotional Intelligence
At a basic level, this is an aptitude that can be developed. You become good at understanding as clearly as possible where the other person is coming from in situations of relationship difficulty. In fact, Emotional Intelligence, or “EQ”, gives you more insight and control over your situation, so the best action to take becomes clear.
For example, if your partner verbally lashes out at you because they don’t feel they are being understood at work, it’s helpful to see this and realize that you are not responsible for their action. What you can do is help them feel understood so they start being communicative instead of hurtful. Listen to them, and acknowledge what they are saying. This can help calm them and you can explain to them how their behavior hurt you.
If your loved one is shutting down or being hurtful because they don’t know how to explain that they need more attention from you, Emotional Intelligence understanding helps you – so you don’t take their actions personally. Once you realize that their actions and words are not about you, but about how they are feeling inside, you can feel less defensive and address the real problem with them.
There are reasons that people shut down, stop talking, blame, insult, and get impatient. If you address these reasons, the unwanted behavior isn’t necessary. And you can use this new awareness to compliment or support your partner when they need it.
2. The Golden Rule
A client wasn’t treated well by his past girlfriends. They didn’t seem to make him a priority, and when he tried to talk to them about it, they put him down. He went on a date with a new girl. She wanted to pay for dinner and gave him a small gift on the date. At the movies, he found out via text messaging that some of his friends were going to a party. So he took a bathroom break and left his date while he ran off with his friends! Maybe if his integrity in relationships was stronger, his connections would be better.
Everyone wants to be treated right and cared for in a relationship; no one wants to be cheated on or lied to, so why do those things to your partner? Everyone wants to be understood and validated; everyone would appreciate someone giving them a break when they don’t feel good. Its great teamwork and if both of you agree to be team players and treat the other one the way you want to be treated, it makes all the difference. If you become very conscious of this concept, your relationship can begin to improve instantly. Plus, its preventative care that strengthens the bond.
3. Habits
Its interesting how many books people read and how many TV shows they watch about relationships, yet their relationship is often not effected long term by even a minimal percentage. What has to happen is repetition, until it becomes natural.
The new thought process you decide to adopt must be done over and over again, like new steps to a dance you are learning for a special performance. Awareness is key to making these new thought patterns and actions a habit, which means second nature. This is the missing key with anything you learn about relationships that you want to use but doesn’t last!
Remember; put your plan into action consistently. Decide it’s not an option, it’s a must.
Now, move ahead with all three concepts in place and you may find yourself in loving bliss with your significant other and able to express yourselves easier and feel the love more. Now you are on your way to Relationship Mastery.
Hold the Love Close.
Listening to: Nao Vu Fugir by Ive Mendes
