As most of you probably can relate, I often get requests for advice or insight because of the work I do. Here are a few of the issues I’ve worked on with clients over the years that have helped them create the changes they want.

Some are reminders and some are taught.

• Remember if you definitely want change/improvement/transition, you will have to change the way you think in some areas. An outside view can be invaluable; and sometimes our habits, beliefs and thoughts limit us more than we can know.
• Sometimes secrets don’t need to be secrets. They can do more damage than good. It helps to talk it out with someone who can’t be affected by it and go from there.
• Have you ever heard the term “he/she sucks the energy out of the room”? We are very energetic beings. Whether we let people’s toxic energy affect us or let someone drain our energy is completely up to us – we have a choice.
• Breathing is something you can always use to instantly put you in a more resourceful, calmer, clearer state of mind. Breathing in deep through the nose, holding for a moment and blowing slowly out your mouth can change things immediately.
• As a former chronic insomniac and someone who uses a successful Sleep Quality Program with clients, I’m reminding you that quality sleep makes a significant difference. Make it a priority consistently, as it will affect your health, energy levels, decision making, moods, and overall quality of life. Figure out how many hours you need each night and have them. If you are a light sleeper, use a white noise CD (www.purewhitenoise.com) instead of a sound machine that plays the same 5 second clip repeatedly. A wedge pillow can help with minor breathing discomfort.
• Everyone needs down time. This makes you better to yourself and your loved ones. Be an example to your children and teach them that “me time” is sacred.
• Been suffering from those respiratory allergy issues? In addition to medical care, Neilmed bottles and sinus packets can make a big difference. This helps with relief by gently cleansing and soothing nasal passages. Hypnosis can help to decrease the body’s reaction to allergens.
• Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you’ll forget. It doesn’t mean what they did was right or good. It doesn’t even mean you have to have a relationship with them. Forgiveness is letting go of the hold it has on you. Forgiveness is accepting that you can move on without carrying the negativity that someone else has caused. It’s something the offending person has to live with, learn from or atone for. Once you accept that you have no part of that, you can be free of the burden of a grudge. Grudges don’t protect, they damage.
• Kids are heavily influenced by their peers from pre-teen age. It makes most of the difference in how they begin their lives as adults. It’s important for you to provide environments and create situations for them so they can connect with children who have healthy habits and behaviors. Expose your kids to other kids who are thrilled to learn, to improve and excel, and who are positive and supportive young people. Definitely stop any harmful associations before they can develop.
• If you have people who love you in your life, you are truly blessed. Don’t ever hesitate to tell them how grateful you are for them or how much you love them. This only feeds the love that is so very important to you.

Over the years, I’ve talked with many mothers who love and are concerned about their children. Some carry loads of guilt and some feel great about their place in life as Mom. Either way along the spectrum, moms often have regrets and wish they did some things differently as a parent, and they deeply love their children.

So kids, teens and adults alike, here are some things your Mother may not have told you: 

• Wow, was I young when I had you. I had no idea what it meant to be completely responsible for someone else. What a learning experience!
• I’m still a child at heart. The kid in us never dies, so I can have fun and be goofy too.
• I feel guilty about “mistakes” I make. I don’t know if I am being a good enough Mom, no matter how good you think I am. Because of this, I have plenty of “Mom Guilt”. I didn’t get a manual for this when you came into this world, and I struggle with my own personal issues too.
• When you are not happy with me and you feel I am against you, it’s because I am frustrated and overwhelmed.
• Or – when you are not happy with me and you feel I’m against you, it’s because I am doing this for you, despite knowing that you will be upset with me. I want you to have a great life and don’t want you to learn everything the hard way.
• Things that are difficult or traumatic for me in my life may happen. At those times, I may not be able to be there for you like you are used to. But I’m always your Mom. Please be patient, I’ll do what I can to find my way back on track.
• Some of your jokes are cheesy, but I’ll indulge you. Practical jokes, however, frazzle me. I’m always juggling and trying to keep things under control. Parenting, albeit glorious, can be stressful in itself.
• Even though I may show some calm, the thought of you being seriously hurt, injured, sick, etc. freaks me out and puts me on automatic alert. Again, no joking about it.
• No matter what, I love you unconditionally. I was blessed to have you, whether you were “planned” to arrive for a certain time or not.  
• I have always been and will always be your Mother. No one else will take that place.
• I’m one of your greatest allies, and your relationship with me can greatly influence your relationships as an adult. So, even if it feels scary or awkward, communicate with me about your thoughts and feelings. Help me understand.
• Be careful who you trust with insight and help. Your friends can come and go, and aren’t as experienced in life as I am.
• When you were a baby, your needs became clear to me. The older you get, the more unique your needs get, and the more individualized you are. You are always changing. Please make sure to tell me what you need or want so I can help.
• Be grateful that you have a parent to confide in, to embarrass you, to get exasperated with. Some of us don’t have our parents anymore.  
• There are other kids in the family, but I still have a special and unique connection to you. Look for it and you will clearly see it.
•  Sometimes I just watch you in a way that seems absent-minded. I don’t always think of saying that I am amazed at, in awe of and am extremely proud of you in so many ways.
•  If I am critical of you, it may be because I’m talking about myself.
•  There’s no way for you to completely understand how it is to be a Mom until the tables turn, and then I get to be an indulging, benevolent grandmother to your little dears.

Dear Chris,

My wife and I really want to quit smoking. We don’t want the monetary or health cost anymore. We want to stop putting this poison in our bodies. She’s diabetic and stressed about eating more when she quits. I have been smoking for 31 years and am hesitant about the detoxing and stress from trying to quit. We have talked to our doctor about the Patch and she said Hypnosis may be helpful as well. We want to be fully prepared and do it the right way permanently. Can you give some input on this?

Calling it Quits

Dear Calling,

My personal approach is to use whatever it takes to quit for good – with as little stress as possible and the prevention of unhealthy cravings.

Consider that everything people do is to gain pleasure or avoid pain. Cigarettes can be a smoker’s best friend, usually for decades. Cigarettes are there for them when they are stressed, when they wake up, go to bed, when they need a break, etc. They become psychologically and physically addicted.

It’s important to associate cigarettes with pain or negative feelings, and find other things to replace smoking with, instead of just ripping this coping mechanism out of your life. Hypnosis has been proven to help with both of those, and has been established as having one of the highest success rates for smoking cessation. Doctors and health care practitioners often refer smokers to me for Hypnosis. It’s safe, low cost and has no negative side effects.

Research shows that a significant percentage of people stop smoking permanently with just a few Hypnosis sessions. Some studies show it’s more effective to use both Hypnosis and a Nicotine Patch; and either choice has a higher rate of success than going “cold turkey”.

Again, it depends on the individual, but most of my smoking cessation clients had already tried and failed with the “cold turkey” method, and experienced unnecessary stress with it.

Because I have seen so much success with it over the years, my “double-barrel” methods are Coaching, Hypnosis and often Neurolingistic Programming (NLP) techniques for better success, less stress and no cravings. This is often done in two sessions, only with serious clients. I won’t waste someone’s time or money if they aren’t ready to quit, as with Hypnosis, it’s impossible to do anything against your will.

You can check out my powerful smoking cessation program here:

Stop Smoking

That being said, here are some things to think about for whatever method you decide on:

Remove all cigarettes, signs and scents of smoking in your home, automobile and workplace. Placing a bowl of white vinegar in a former smoking area helps absorb odors. Rearrange your previous favorite smoking areas. These preparations can help avoid triggers and gives you a fresh start.

Figure out your social situation – yes it is necessary. If you used to take breaks or hang out with people who smoke, put a stop to it. Don’t frequent those areas or ask them to smoke outside or somewhere else. Again, less triggers, less temptation.

Drink plenty of water and get plenty of quality sleep during the detox process, and it will go smoother.

Find a replacement for your first cigarette of the day, since that’s how you start out your daily regimen. Some of my clients have decided to stretch, exercise, do yoga, go for a walk, brush their teeth, etc.

You’ll have to figure out how to cope with stressors that come up, and make a plan for anticipated triggers.

You can temporarily replace the hand-to-mouth or oral habit with stress balls, toothpicks, straws, gum or sugar-free suckers or candy.

Ask for and accept support and encouragement from those who you are certain will be supportive of your goal to become a non-smoker.

In my work, I see mostly three vital areas in relationships that make the most difference: Emotional Intelligence, The Golden Rule and Habits.

1. Emotional Intelligence

 At a basic level, this is an aptitude that can be developed. You become good at understanding as clearly as possible where the other person is coming from in situations of relationship difficulty. In fact, Emotional Intelligence, or “EQ”, gives you more insight and control over your situation, so the best action to take becomes clear.
 
For example, if your partner verbally lashes out at you because they don’t feel they are being understood at work, it’s helpful to see this and realize that you are not responsible for their action. What you can do is help them feel understood so they start being communicative instead of hurtful.  Listen to them, and acknowledge what they are saying. This can help calm them and you can explain to them how their behavior hurt you.

If your loved one is shutting down or being hurtful because they don’t know how to explain that they need more attention from you, Emotional Intelligence understanding helps you – so you don’t take their actions personally. Once you realize that their actions and words are not about you, but about how they are feeling inside, you can feel less defensive and address the real problem with them.

There are reasons that people shut down, stop talking, blame, insult, and get impatient. If you address these reasons, the unwanted behavior isn’t necessary. And you can use this new awareness to compliment or support your partner when they need it.
 
2. The Golden Rule

A client wasn’t treated well by his past girlfriends. They didn’t seem to make him a priority, and when he tried to talk to them about it, they put him down. He went on a date with a new girl. She wanted to pay for dinner and gave him a small gift on the date. At the movies, he found out via text messaging that some of his friends were going to a party. So he took a bathroom break and left his date while he ran off with his friends! Maybe if his integrity in relationships was stronger, his connections would be better.

Everyone wants to be treated right and cared for in a relationship; no one wants to be cheated on or lied to, so why do those things to your partner? Everyone wants to be understood and validated; everyone would appreciate someone giving them a break when they don’t feel good. Its great teamwork and if both of you agree to be team players and treat the other one the way you want to be treated, it makes all the difference. If you become very conscious of this concept, your relationship can begin to improve instantly. Plus, its preventative care that strengthens the bond.

3. Habits

Its interesting how many books people read and how many TV shows they watch about relationships, yet their relationship is often not effected long term by even a minimal percentage. What has to happen is repetition, until it becomes natural.

The new thought process you decide to adopt must be done over and over again, like new steps to a dance you are learning for a special performance. Awareness is key to making these new thought patterns and actions a habit, which means second nature. This is the missing key with anything you learn about relationships that you want to use but doesn’t last!

Remember; put your plan into action consistently. Decide it’s not an option, it’s a must.

Now, move ahead with all three concepts in place and you may find yourself in loving bliss with your significant other and able to express yourselves easier and feel the love more. Now you are on your way to Relationship Mastery.

Hold the Love Close.

Listening to: Nao Vu Fugir by Ive Mendes

Some studies say that the biggest concerns people have are money, love and health.

I wonder which one of these that people work to maintain the most. We’re all different, but I can’t help but thinking that there are places on just about every other city corner to help us manage or maintain our money or health. As far as relationships, not so much.

We work so hard to improve, perfect, integrate, familiarize ourselves with dance steps, sports, work, and so many other occupations.

Yet there’s quite the drive in so many people to have a spouse or partner that you share love and life with. It’s so very important and lives just wouldn’t be the same without them.

Think about your future, are your greatest moments and hopes shared with a partner?

Love is a very powerful force, and some people put that at the top of their needs and wants.

So why it is that we aren’t given more education and direction in life on this amazing subject?

Marriage, for example, is a very highly-held institution in our land. There are many privileges and responsibilities that come with it. Yet the divorce rate has climbed over the decades and is worse than ever for those who are under 30. It’s come to a point where two consenting adults can marry and divorce without much legal interference.

We see brides on TV who start on the wrong foot by repeatedly saying, “This is my wedding”. This isn’t true, they aren’t going to be at the altar alone, or leave the altar alone. When people feel compelled to withdraw or lash out in response to relationship problems, surely they don’t believe that this will help the relationship in some way.

For many partners, it’s become too easy to go into fight or flight mode, very easy to avoid existing problems and suffer silently or through rage, and especially take ones relationship for granted. But again, we have to consider what kind of compound damage this can do to the relationship.

Relationships are so important to us; though so few people have learned and truly live Relationship Mastery.

Many of us are not exposed to unbiased relationship guidance and hands-on practical actions that lead to healthy relationship habits. In fact, many learn about love relationships during formative conditioning years from unrealistic media and from people who had little guidance and no healthy example.

Learning how to have better relationships is so important; yes in extreme, desperate cases but also in preventative ways as well. They can make all of the difference through our trials and victories in life. They help us to love, be loved and be joined together in this life.

The imprinted learning is something that continues through life and is passed on from generation to generation.

But we do still have a choice about it.

Hopefully, you will consider this and choose to do more for the health of your relationship with your partner and most importantly, will choose to develop lifelong habits.

Part 2 (in the near future, so stay tuned) will examine three areas that can make or break a successful and loving partnership.

Listening to: “Rosa Del Sol” by Gabriel Bauza and then “Sweet Love” by Kaskade

It’s been a rough year for many people and their loved ones, yet we see these same people, resilient and resourceful, rallying to get excited about the New Year. 

Resolutions, we all have made them, promises and plans for ourselves and our lives to make things better with the new year. Our resolutions usually fall into one of two categories focusing one either embracing a new life style or kicking a habit.

 For many years now, I’ve been fortunate enough to be an “agent of change” for the people I work with and I’d like to share with you four steps that I have found help most with achieving lasting change.

1.    Forgive  and accept

Give yourself the best chance out of the gate and allow yourself to start with a clean slate. This will mean something different to each person, but start by realizing and owning fully that you are a glorious human being. By nature, we make what is called (for lack of a better word) “mistakes”.

Be aware of how you’ve learned from those mistakes and relapses and how now you are wiser. Use this awareness to be more resolved to make this desired change work. Be very clear that you fully accept these changes that you are about to make and maintain.

2.    Determine specifics, setting boundaries

Be very specific with your desired resolution of change. Know when you will start, exactly what you want to accomplish, and what the resolution does and doesn’t entail. This is a strong strategy for the people that are better at self governing. For others who work best with hard line guidance, having someone to hold you accountable on the specifics works best.

Be clear on the whole plan and understand the need to put adjusstments in place to make sure past blocks don’t get in the way. It’s better to come up with adjustments for change and include it in your plan, before you start, than just tell yourself you want to make it happen.

For example, someone who wants to be a non-smoker usually wants to quit with as little stress as possible. So instead of taking away the first cigarette of the day, how about starting a new ritual upon awakening, such as exercise, deep breathing techniques or a brisk walk with your dog? Then you come up with an alternative action or habit for the other times of the day that you used to smoke regularly.

3.    Keep going, have your eye on the prize

Make sure your plan includes  daily affirmations and reinforcement. Journal, write affirmations to keep on the wall and/or talk to yourself and have others encourage you repeatedly about your anticipated outcome – the one you are manifesting. No matter what, you absolutely can do this, you can make this permanent. 

Sometimes you have to make some serious adjustments to your support network. Keep repeating positive statements over and over or keep reminding yourself what you’ve already decided is yours. Make sure that something getting in the way is NOT AN OPTION. Accept that change as yours. Either way, everything people do is to gain pleasure or avoid pain, so make sure there is great pleasure associated with your resolution and goal.

4.    Get the power of your mind on board!

Your unconscious mind doesn’t differentiate between strong visualization and reality. So your mind actually takes what you visualize and works to make it your reality. Imagine a vision of yourself with the change you want. See yourself enjoying the change, being satisfied, feeling accomplished and living happily with the change.

Visualize holding yourself better, breathing and moving easier, and notice that confidence and joy. Take the whole scene in, make it vivid and clear.

Now, make the visualization a natural part of your process and change can come faster and easier!

I’ve been doing a lot of work with myself and clients recently on gratitude. So I thought I would take a light moment and share one of the things I’m grateful for. Her registered name is Caesica Vesspucio, but to us, she’s Casey. Her belly is almost always non-existent, she is always very slim like a greyhound. I was surprised when I saw this picture that was taken in one our our offices, after some helpings of turkey. She had a peaceful nap and got up to play later.

So today I thought I’d share our mountains with you. Everyday, every hour with them is a different scene. Yet each day, they remain what they are. 

So authentic, from any point of view.  These mountains don’t care what the other mountains are doing.  LOL.  They are many things to many people and animals. 

Yes I enjoy the city quite often, but love living here.